How to Do Absolutely Everything Ever in jQuery, CSS3, & HTML5

EverythingI was thinking that you should know how to do some code in the areas of jQuery, CSS3, HTML5 and everything else you can think of.

This post will clarify all those matters. They are all matters of which you should be clarified.

But before I explain all those things in the greatest of all detail, I should warn you of a few things:

  1. The information here is just my view, based on my own limited experience.
  2. I believe it’s best practice, but there’s a chance it’s not.
  3. You might agree with me, then later (based on new experience) change your mind.
  4. I’m not a person whose name begins with Z, ends with N and in the middle is “ELDMA”.
  5. I might make a technical error or two, but I’m allowed to edit the post and make a note if you point it out; I will credit you if you’re nice about it.
  6. I might decide a week later that everything I said is worthless, and retract the whole thing.
  7. An anonymous person might reveal that everything I said is worthless, but no one will give them credit because they are anonymous or only used their first name or didn’t provide a URL so we can see their portfolio and/or qualifications.
  8. It’s very possible that this thing has been discussed before a lot, so it might bore you.
  9. Due to other obligations, I might not respond to comments immediately.
  10. The fact that I’m writing about this doesn’t mean I think I’m the greatest developer since sliced bread; I’m just thinking out loud.
  11. I follow lots of people on Twitter who are smarter than me, and I think they were considering the possibility of discussing something that’s closely related to something else that might have some connection to this here topic, so I tried to jump the gun and beat them to it.
  12. I have a book that talks about this topic, so in my own weird way, I believe that makes me an authority.
  13. I have a magazine that talks about this topic, so in my own weird way, well… you know…
  14. This might be a tutorial, or it might be an article, or it might be a little of both; I’m not required to hold to any explicit terms.
  15. This article/tutorial might suck.
  16. This article/tutorial might not suck.
  17. This might be the last time you read my blog, ending a long and enjoyable relationship.
  18. This might be the first time you read my blog, starting a long and enjoyable relationship which might lead to another article like this that ends up being the last time you read my blog, ending the long and enjoyable relationship we started when you read this.

Okay, now that I got that out of the way, let’s talk about jQuery, CSS3, and HTML5!

Click here to reveal how to do
everything in jQuery, CSS3, and HTML5!

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15 Responses

  1. hahaha…a nice one….I been reading your blog for a while…but I don’t expected this at 6:30am (Uruguay…GMT -3)….

  2. John:

    I read the title on Smashing Magazine’s Network tab and thought “wow that’s got ‘guaranteed to disappoint’ written all over it”.

    Disappointed I am not though ;)

  3. Orue:

    Well that was a bad joke.

  4. David K from Philly:

    This was stupid and thank you and Smashing Magazine for wasting my time and money. I charge about $100 for my services as a web developer and design and this took me about 2 minutes to read. But, I always round up to the next 1/4 hour. So, you owe me $25.

    My lawyer will be in touch.

  5. komiska:

    Now, wouldnt that have been a dream-come-true-tutorial :-)))!
    You would have been catapulted into an immediate cult , and we would make all our clients happy forever! *strings,harp and a flute sound*

    Hahahahah! This was a good one!

  6. Drew:

    Yeeeeaaaaaahhhhh…….funny, which is another 10 seconds I’ve wasted on this useless article that I won’t ever get back.

  7. Hahaha!! Well done! Bit of humour never hurted anyone!

  8. Nice, you just made me smile on a Monday morning!

  9. Nice one, I really like your humour (especially on a monday morning). It reminds me the article you wrote for webdesignerdepot about how to make an internet webpage. Love this kind of sarcasm.
    Unfortunatly I’m still amazed to see how people take sometimes things too seriously on internet. Too bad, as Janes said, “Bit of humour never hurted anyone!” :)

  10. Michael Ward:

    Anyone that thought that an article entitled “How to Do Absolutely Everything Ever in jQuery, CSS3, & HTML5″ was actually going to contain anything useful, then I am afraid you are going to suffer many dissapointments in life.

    Liked the joke myself :)

  11. Bunch a whiners!…

    I got to number 4 a realized I wouldn’t be reading much about development.. lol, good laugh.

  12. Joseph McCullough:

    Hahah, great way to start a Monday morning!

  13. Guillermo Trejo:

    jajajajajajaja great way to end monday and start tuesday. I will be waiting for the “Part 2″ of this.

  14. lol, that was hilarious.

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